Soo I just recently made a decision that most people might think isn’t such a big deal. But seeing as though I’m addicted to social networking, I beg to differ. Lol.It’s no secret that for the last month, most of my posts have been centered around someone I was recently in a relationship with. && that’s because I don’t hide how a feel, EVER, if its on my mind, most of the time…I’ll talk about it.. Or in this case blog about it. However, I feel strongly that that is a habit i’ll have to dispose of very soon if Im going to survive in the corporate world. But that’sbesides my point. I recently made the attempt to cut that person out of my life completely. Not because Im bitter, and definitely not because I wanted to…I had to. There are just some things a person can’t forgive. Lying and cheating, just to name a couple.
Ive always been aware of his trifling ways, but NEVER EVER did I think that I would be a victim of it. Other females? Probably. But not me. But now that I think about it maybe I was naive to believe that he had me under a different set of rules. He’d always said i wasn’t like all the others, but I never felt that way. If anything I felt less important. I knew when we broke up that he was jerk, but for completely different reasons. I was under the impression that he needed to figure out what he wanted. If he wanted to be in a relationship, or if he wanted to enjoy being young and single. I’ve had the privilege of knowing EXACTLY what I want since i was 10 years old (no lie), but I’m no idiot. I can’t blame a guy for not having it all figured out at 19 yrs old. && when I asked him if all of this had anything to do with another female, i got the ”i would never do that to you” response. ButSUPRISE!!!!! pure BULLSHIT. Make no mistake, cheating exists in more than one way. Its not always physical, It can be emotional. && that doesn’t make it better, nor does that make it any less hurtful. Which in my head makes EVERY SINGLE LAST THING that came out of his mouth a complete LIE!
Im no retard, I said before. We were apart for 4 months, thats more than enough time to develop feelings for someone else. && that was okay. What’s not okay, is to use me as a backup when that relationship didn’t go as planned. That’s where the anger comes from. To know that not only was I a second choice, but that I’d spent 2 months with someone whose heart was with someone else while I was giving everything I had….That’s Unforgivable. Or should I say I just don’t know how to forgive that.
In relationships I ALWAYS do my best to make a guy feel comfortable. By assuring him (even if he never asked me to) that when it comes to other guys, they have nothing to worry about. Especially if I know they’ve been hurt in the past. If I’m with you, Im with you and NO ONE ELSE. && I never give a reason to make you think other wise.
I admit, I did what I did out of anger because I knew if I had waited and calmed down I would have come up with some excuse for him. Instead of going with my gut feeling which Ive ignored so many times before, when I shouldn’t have. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll speak again. My number hasn’t changed, and i didn’tblock him I only deleted him. But then again, I wont be the one to make the first move && history has proven that he won’t either. *sighs* It’s not supposed to be this way.
